The Moment: Michigan vs Wisconsin

Listening to: Practice by Dj Jazzy
Forecast: Partly Cloudy

Let me start it off like this.....Yesterday's game reminded me of a 17 pt deficit. Reminded me of Braylon unrelenting. It reminded me of 0:02. A freshman in the back of the endzone with the ball. A dream deferred is still a dream. Michigan couldn't do that, not with these players. Not with a collection of who's who on offense. Not with 21 yds of first half offense. We did, THIS IS MICHIGAN!!!!!! This is where heisman happens, this is where history happens, this is where magic happens.......

HOWEVER,

Do we practice during the week? Do we learn from our mistakes during the week? Do we do anything during the week? We regressed from the ND game if that is at all possible. The defense was stout, just like we are going to need them to be all year, but holding Wisky to 3 on numerous occasions was more a product of an offense that is a dynamic as a bowl of oatmeal. We cannot spot Penn State or Illannoy 19 points and expect to comeback. We cannot turn the ball over 5 time in the first half, we cannot continue to just be week in and week out. We have to get better, this offense is there, they just need to become polished. 27 unanswered after hearing boos from the home crowd. An offense that looked semi competent and left the camera confused of where the ball was 62.33333% of the time(Minor really sold that Threet run).


Products of my Mentality

• Defense, aside from Trent getting abused for that late TD are playing out of their heads as the offense/special teams continue to put them in bad spots.
• Stevie Brown......good job?
• Threet has got to settle down, he looked rattled from the opening whistle.
• Gotta preach ball security this week in practice, you can't win a game in one play, but you damn sure can lose it in 5.
• Good coaching decisions this week. Keeping Threet in the game and not bringing in Nick "Timely Pick" Sheridan. Glad to see Warren is no longer returning punts, result was still similar.
  
• Minor needs to be a major part of our offense, McGuffie isn't an every down back.
• That BLOCK M in the student section looked good on tv.
• ESPN announcers don't know if Threet is a good runner or not, the flip flopped about 3 times.
• BARWIS!!!!!!
• WRs have to hold their blocks a little better.
• Prevent D almost sent us into OT.
• Get Odoms and McGuffie in space MORE!
  
• 4 wins from bowl eligibility!!!!!!!

Final Thought: We are blessed to be 2-2.

Interview with Rich Rod

NayVar: A real treat this week as we have the man with the plan, albeit be it a 5 year plan, Ricardo Antonio Rodriquez.

Ricardo Rodriquez: Its actually Richard Rodriguez

NayVar: Have it your way Dick Rod.

Rich Rod: Whatever.

NV: Big game this weekend sir.

R^2: Yes, we are really excited to get the B10 campaign underway.

NV: Im excited to see how well we hold onto the ball this week!

R^2: About that, we are a young team, we are going to make youthful mistakes.

NV: These girls are also young, yet they can hang onto the ball, hell the shaft too.

R^2: I think you missed my point.

NV: You missed the boat....

NV: Anyway how have you been dealing with this season?

R^2: We are moving along well, player morale is high, coaches enthusiastic. I'd like to get the fan perspective on our accomplishments this year.

NV: Honestly, I don't know how you've hung on for 8 months, you should get some kind of medal or a holiday or at least a cuddle for someone.

R^2: ....Its only been 3 weeks.

NV: It's been like going on holiday with, I wouldn't say Hitler, but certainly Goebbels. Like a mini holiday with Hitler.

R^2: We are making great strides.

NV: We went from god awful to slightly promising to daft. Been absolutely miserable.

NV: Ok maybe I went overboard with the Third Reich reference but that showing week 3 was like listening to a baby cry after you put them in the trashcan.

R^2: Try to think of this team as stock in WaMu.

NV: So I should sell right now?

R^2: No, this team is strong!

NV: Is the Donovan Warren trial at Punt Returner over?

R^2: If I recall a standout defensive back by the name of Charles Woodson returned punts here.

NV: And?

R^2: He wasn't doing too particularly well at doing such, but one play chnaged the course of a season.

NV: And one moment can change a million after it, yes we have all heard that old childrens tale from the sea.

R^2: Can you tell me the difference between CW and DW?

NV: About $5 million per.

R^2:This isn't about the money.

NV: This better be about putting Cissoko at PR.

R^2: We are looking into getting him in there.

NV: Cizzy is fun to say.

R^2: Well I'd like to finish showering now, is that all you have?

NV: Are you trying to leave me?

R^2: Please.

This has been NayVar bringing you this interview live from the toilet seat in Rich Rodriguez bathroom. That'll do.

Youloveme(pt. 2)

I'll be the first to say that the Wolverines don't have a problem on special teams. People often make jokes that their "special teams" are special in the sense that they only get one item in a buy one get one free(saw this live at the grocery store the other day). However, when I think special i think exceptionally good. What would be the best complement to K.C. and Zoltan? Jetpacks? Universal Remotes? Rollover minutes? As good as these compliments are, I could only think of adding a long, slender, fit pair of legs as an addition. These legs are actually attached to a female torso and very easy on the eyes. These are the legs of Dukai Regina. While she wont be handling the kicking duties(as neat-o as that would be). She will be the new place holder for Lopata and the long snapper for Mesko(Dont worry Mesko, concentrate).


Don't You Wanna Get Behind That?



Landscape


West Virginia called, they want their coach back. I remember when UM was losing to Utah that the fans of "Its All Good University" couldnt help but put their two cents in. We'll I've been collecting those pennies and started a GET WVU MORE COACHES FUND. Is it weird how close in spelling C-O-A-C-H and C-O-U-C-H are? Nevermind, give the people what they want draw up papers to turn our fund to "COUCHES". You're 1-2, your D is GOD awful, your O is underachieving. It appears that 80% of the team wants to go play intramurals, we'll go play brother.

Cupcakes- More prevelent this year than most years. Gourging on OOC cupcakes makes you fat and slow for conference games

Short List of Cupcake Offenders

• Penn State
• Oklahoma
• LSU
• Texas
• Auburn
• Texas Tech

Is it a coincidence that all of these teams are in the top 15? Is it a bigger coincidence that most of these teams come form the two toughest conferences in America*?

You aren't saved because you scheduled one ok game:

• Missouri
• Wisconsin
• Florida
• Alabama
• Georgia
• Kansas
• OHIO STATE**

More SEC/B12 bias I guess. These conferences beat each other up though. So soft OOC schedules are permissable.

Rankings based on Merit
1.USC
2.MWC
3.All the Cupcakes
4.Michigan
5-25.Cupcake Offenders


*Tough based on what ESPN and fans of these conferences say
** Lulz


I had the pleasure of watching Auburn vs LSU with my Auburn fan brother this past weekend. Before you start drinking the Les Miles magic Koolaid be sure to take note the coaching or lack there of, of Auburn in the second half. Tommy Tubbs decided to play it safe after he had a 14-3 lead, which became 14-10, which became 14-17, 14-20 before Tommy even knew what was going on. Then like the switch got turned back on AU took the lead back. My bro makes a prediction "They do this all the time, take the lead only to lose it with about 1min and 30 seconds left." Well looked like he was going to be wrong for once, however, Tommy 3 and outed coupled with a abhorrent punt gave LSU all they needed and you know the rest(they scored with a 1:03 left). My brother handles losses better than I do.

LSU isnt that good, their QB is one sack away from blowing the game, the seocndary is the worst in D1, but they have a good coach....."Lesticles".....whatever.

---

Johnny Sears Award of Futility

We had a bye week last week, but somehow Stevie Brown managed to grab the award for f*** ups he would've attained.

No I couldn't do that to Stevie, he's trying his hardest.

No award this week.

Soulstar(pt. 1)

Winnin' Ain't A Habit....

So, bye weeks suck. The really suck when you're 1-2. The suck is multiplied when you have a team full of freshman. We are done with the bi-week and get more man on man action this week against Wisconsin. More on that in a second.

Small Tidbits:
Michigan athletes seem to have an affinity for posing in pictures shirtless. You've seen em, im not postin' them, as here we endorse hips, lips and honey dips. Anyway, I guess when you're 1-2 with losses to Mormans and Catholics they take the shirt off your back on the way out.

Craig Roh commits: Scooby Doo makes a mistake, rut roh?

E-LOL: We had 6 turnovers vs. Notre Dame. Still dont believe this.

"tUOS" might be the most overhyped team since 07 Michigan. This team sucks, the D sucks, the WR corps are full of nobodies who still are nobodies. The had to survive vs Troy this week. Pryor is good, but It was Troy. Boeckman is the second coming of Craig Krenzel but they dont have the PR Secretary for Grey Goose on the team any longer. Results: 2 maybe 3 conference losses. Beanie is the biggest crybaby ever.

Doubtful that Rich Rod will remove Donovan Warren from the experiment that is Punt Returns.


Playing Wisconsin is like playing Monopoly on family game night. Everyone is excited at first, but eventually it loses its luster and you'd rather watch Antiques Roadshow or write out some madlibs. Like Monopoly Wisconsin games are boring, tiresome, boring and routine. Don't confuse the excitement you feel as a Badger Pr blocker inexplicably lets the ball hit them which is recovered by UM(see 2001 game). This isn't excitement as much as much as Honda tells you that the ACCORD is a luxury car.......ITS NOT!!!!!!!

Ron Dayne also sucked.

So lets dispel a few myths about UW Football(as per Wisconsinopoly)

1. "Jump around" is dumb, lets face it...it is.
2. Camp Randall, not as much a camp as it is a commune.
3. NO DOGS!
4. When was the last big win for Wisconsin?
5. Wiscompton? How started this? Why? I don't think inner city violence when I think about Madison.....well only one thing really comes to mind. WHITE.
6. Why are you honoring one of the worst coaches in history with a statue? 118–73–4 reeks of success in "Wiscompton".
7. Bret Bielema is average.
8. Michigan is not a rival, stop thinking we are. Do you even have any rivals? Michigan State does not count, they are everyones rival.

The Badgers are excited to come to Ann Arbor, our girls are hotter!!!!!!!!


Auburn also choked on APPLESAUCE!

.......cont

Mega Update Forthcoming

Prepare to suck at the TEET! Or at least read a lil' somethin' somethin'.





<--------Baby Ricardo Antonio Redriguez or Rich Rod for short

Michigan Mid Week Mantra

After last weeks fumble party alot of the blame laid with Talita Antunes as equipment manager. The "wet" balls we supposedly practiced weren't in fact balls as much as they were mammaries(yes its hard to fumble one.) In fact the blame lies with the Adidas Licensed Property Manager. Shawn Vasquez, failed us by not getting us the right gloves. He provided us baseball gloves when we needed football gloves.......total busch league and HE GONE.

Introducing Amerie Mi Marie Rogers. Ms. Rogers is ecstatic to be the voice Adidas to cater to every Michigan players wants and needs. Most are going to need new pants as their current ones are "too tight."


NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS

---

Johnny Sears Award of Futility

*Winner*

Youth-Fumbles, INTS, TURNOVERS, Binge Drinking, Zubaz Pants and To Catch A Predator, can all be attributed to youth. Saturday was no different. Haven't seen that many guys looking for the balls since I saw my buddy with his girlfriend.

Rating: NR

And Then I Remembered How Beautiful You Are......

As you all very well know we played a game on Saturday. We played well in about 4/5 aspects of the game. We are going to cover those 4/5, no point in bringing up that which hurts so much.


The offense moved the ball with ease, Threet came into his own right before our eyes. His decision making has improved astronomically and that ball he put up to Mannigh....err Mathews was absolutely gorgeous. My only real gripe was the key fourth down on the drive after we had spotted ND 14. I'm not sure who it was but someone was wide open in the centre of the field past the sticks, but he opted to throw at a receivers back.

M(odoms) and Stonum will be studs.....hopefully by the tUOS game, if not by next year.

What can I say about McGuffie other than the Mixtape Messiah has arrived.

O-Line showed more improvement over week two, good progress.

Defense plays a short field for the first two Nd possesions, not their fault. Stevie Brown, come on man, DO BETTER. Golden Taints TD shouldve never happened if not for Trent and Brown both looking into the backfield. Did they forget that ND just ran this play on Donovan Warren a play prior and got shut down(well from my point of view, not the men in the black and white stripes).

D-Line: Moderate pressure on Jimmay, enough to make him commit two turnovers and throw the ball away numerous times. Wouldve needed more pressure to counteract aspect #5 out of 5 not bad.

Tackling: Arm tackles wont work, glaring example, D. Warren nearly brought Golden Taint to a standstill and Johnny Sears on the Spot(Stevie Brown) somehow managed to miss the tackle even worse than Warren did.......Taint goes for 60 yards.

Special Teams: I like the KOR deep men, just gotta see it in. I do not like the PR deep man, GTFO!

Zoltan with the SCAMPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!


No Bullets: They hurt too much.

Final Thought- A week off will be good for the improvement of this team. Aspect 5 out of 5 is easily correctable, I cant remember the last time UM had 6 turnovers. Can't be angry at these guys(well maybe Grady cus he still sucks at holding onto the ball) cus they are kids, and kids make mistakes, but they will learn from those mistakes.

Back To Basics: Michigan vs ND

No pictures, no music no nothing. Just plain text.

Main Entry:

¹hold

Pronunciation:

\ˈhōld\

Function:

verb

Inflected Form(s):

held \ˈheld\ ; hold·ing

Etymology:

Middle English, from Old English healdan; akin to Old High German haltan to hold, and perhaps to Latin celer rapid, Greek klonos agitation

Date:

before 12th century

transitive verb
1 a: to have possession or ownership of or have at one's disposal <holds property worth millions> holds the title to the car> b: to have as a privilege or position of responsibility <hold a professorship> c: to have as a mark of distinction <holds the record for the 100-yard dash> <holds a PhD>

2: to keep under restraint <hold price increases to a minimum>: as a: to prevent free expression of <hold your temper> b: to prevent from some action hold fire> hold the hand of a tyrant — Thomas Jefferson> c: to keep back from use hold a room for us> hold the mustard> d: to delay temporarily the handling of hold all my calls>

3: to make liable or accountable or bound to an obligation hold you to your promise>

4 a: to have or maintain in the grasp <hold my hand> hold the racket> ; also : aim , point <held a gun on them> b: to support in a particular position or keep from falling or moving <hold me up so I can see> <hold the ladder steady> holds the whole thing together> <hold your head up> c: to bear the pressure of : support hold all of that weight>

5: to prevent from leaving or getting away <hold the train>: as a: to avoid emitting or letting out hold your breath> b: to restrain as or as if a captive held without bail> <held them at gunpoint> ; also : to have strong appeal to held my interest throughout>



McGUFFIE doesnt deserve to be on this team.....

maybe more later when I relax.

Notre Dame Preview

What it's like to be bored stiff.

Once again suckfest is upon us, but last years suckfest turned out to be a 38-0 Michigan footnote in a ND season which saw them beat the likes of Saint Mary's School of the Blind and St Judes Childrens Hospital: Aids Wing. I would bet the farm on......well everything accept a new, slimmer, more capable Charlie Weis.

Game Forecast

Will Happen

1. Michigan Speed on display
2. Jimmy Clausen INT
3. Another stupid Lou Holtz prediction
4. Adidas is proud of their NEW investment.
5. Several views of Touchdown Jesus

Likely To Happen

1. U-N-I-T-Y
2. Threet zone read TD
3. Clausen Pick 6
4. Animal Control To Be Called
5. NBC announcer homerism

Unlikely to Happen

1. Stevie Brown impresses me
2. Weis performs with "HIS" players
3. A shootout
4. Not seeing the ND mascot
5. McGuffie not scoring

Will not Happen

1. Beanie Wells gets over Vaginitis
2. Cissoko on Punt Returns(needs to happen)
3. Golden Tate being affective vs D-Wizzle
4. As many missed tackles as last week
5. An accurate prediction of this game

Let the soothing sounds of the Kissaway Trail wash over you.

Michigan Mid Week Mantra

Good win, good atmosphere and good things. One thing I notice last week was the shoddy state of Michigan equipment. For a upper echelon school like UM we deserve the best equipment there is. Jon falk has done a wonderful job the past 30 some years, but lets face it, he is old regime and Bill Martin is giving Michigan a face lift. We proudly introduce the new Head Equipment Manager Talita Antunes. Delicious. In a statement earlier by Ms. Antunes she is excited to be affiliated with such a great program and looks to assist in Michigan's ascencion back to the TOP.

SHE HANDLES THE BALLS, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!!!

Will Campbell decommited. As outrageous as this sounds it bears a striking resemblence to the Newsome decommit without all the primadonna antics. He will be ours again, oh yes, he will be ours again. Status=a little concerned.

Greg Mathews to play vs ND. Status=YAY.

We might have a boonafide QB situation on our hands. While I can see that Threet is the man for the job, the UM coaches still havent quite seen it. A two QB system likely still in affect for ND and maybe for the whole season. Nothing says we believe in a kid, like pulling him after the half of a fairly good outing. Status=Feaginized.

Oh yea Feagin likely done at QB. Staus=crying inside.

---

Johnny Sears Award of Futility

Candidates


Nick Sheridan-Didn't do anything wrong, yet didnt do anything right. Tries more not to lose the game than make plays.

Coaching Staff-Took out Threet and put in Sheridan. Minor=1 carry for 15 yds and a TD. Redshirting Feagin. Not putting Ciss at PR.

Stevie Brown-Poor Tackling, Poor Catching, Poor Coverage, Poor Player.

**WINNER**

Stevie Brown

Responsible for 100% of the blown coverages and about 73% of the missed tackles. Also dropped an INT that resembled a pop fly in softball.

Congrats, Johnny Sears was also a DB.

Rating:

To the City in the SKY: Michigan vs Miami(OH)

Forecast: Partly Sunny with optimism.
Listening to: Here We Go by Buckshot



Can a team play better but accomplish less? A team gilded with glimmers of hope. "M" tries so hard but they almost get in their own way. LEAP FOR YOUR GOALS! Don't lose faith, for in the end we might be successful.

An offense, freshmen led team with such great potential, a Michigan that is like the wind, S.Fla speed in many places. The defense that starts slow but finishes well. KC and Zoltan too.

TO the GATEWAY, the EARTH, Horizon and SKY. To the CITY that we have built. Our time is nearing, slowly ascend, for the view
from here is one in a lifetime.


Game Outtakes

• Drive one was the most awe inspiring display of this new spread so far.
• Michael Shaw might be a better open space runner than McGuffie.
• Stevie Brown has been moved from suspect to LIABILITY, LIABILITY, LIABILITY!
• O-Line showed great improvement, still had its fair share of hiccups too.
• Mouton should've started week 1.
• We need a better punt returner, Donovan Warren does not evoke this, although he is supposed to be the next Woodson. Ciss looked good on the few KR he had, I suggest putting him back there.
• Threet is not fleet of foot, it was Miami(OH).
• Threet has to work on his touch, he's all arm, passes sail. Can be fixed.
• Lopata and Mesko might be the best kicking duo in the nation.
• The Sheridan situation is becoming a distraction, coaching staff needs to realise if we are gonna run a two QB system it needs to be Threet/Feagin or Sheridan/Feagin. It does not work running a two qb system with the SAME qb style just a difference in 4 inches. Removing Threet when he wasn't playing definitely killed any momentum we might have had. WISE UP!
• 0 Turnovers....+1
  
• I think I saw some SEC Speed on the field too :-)
• Why doesn't Minor play more? On the one play I even remember him in on he scored a TD.
• We have to tackle better, too many missed first chances.

Final Thought: Well next week it looks like it's Toilet Bowl redux, although I think ND is actually worse than we are. SDSU lost that game more than ND won it. Fat Charlie be warned, Michigan is better than SDSU. Until next week......

Miami(OH) Preview

Spot the BACKUP!

The Redhawks are coming to town. 0-1 vs 0-1. I love these matchups, because one team will suck more than the other. Eerily similar to the 0-2 Suckfest known as UM vs ND last year which catapulted ND into the ranks of worst CFB team of ALL time not named Duke or F(I/A)U. Outlook.....rosey.

Game Outlook

Certain to Happen

1. Points will be scored
2. McGuffie will be stud of the game
3. Feagin wears a redshirt
4. Threet to start
5. 106k of the quietest fans in the nation

Should Happen

1. Michigan win
2. McGuffie TD
3. Threet INT
4. Stevie Brown missed assignment(aka f*** up)
5. Mesko 60 yd punt

Possible to Happen

1. A "Great" game
2. Marell Evans still starting
3. Several confused looks
4. O-Line gets better.
5. Warren and/or Trent INT TD

Unlikely to Happen

1. Defensive Shutout
2. Michigan Scoring 35+
3. Evenly called game
4. National Respect
5. D. Warren calling for a fair catch

Won't Happen

1. Sheridan playing
2. Greg Mathews playing
3. http://www.ucsrankings.com/ being accurate
4. Grady celebrating a TD by doing a keg stand
5. SOME OTHER TEAM CELEBRATING ON OUR FIELD!!!!!!!!

Now sit back and watch as Steven Threet notches the first W of the Dick Rod era at UM

Michigan Mid Week Mantra

Ain't it pretty? Michigan football is glorious right now. Here at 107,502 Ive taken the time to get back in touch.....with myself for a little quiet time. You're looking at this weeks hot new recruit Eva Mendes. After the 1st half display on Saturday, noticing the boys aren't "getting up" for games she sat down with Dick Rod....errrrm Rich Rod to discuss signing an LOI early. Unfortunately this is a violation of NCAA rules, so we will leave her just a "hard" commit right now.



DRINK IT IN......girl of the week!

As you may have already know, Tate Forcier committed to UM after the mediocre fest known as UM vs Utah this past Saturday. With his commitment we have locked up two. Mobile QB's for out 09 class, but are they the two we want or need? Anyone with the letters SHAV and Beaver in their name is a win for me, then is the issue of Forcier/Newsome/Smith/Sarah Palin. While all unproven in the 2008 seasons the more polished prospect on paper appears to be Newsome. However, he cried as we contiuned to persue more QB which resulted in de-commitment . Status-Meh

J.Feagin=redshit. Now what in the hell are we thinking by doing this? This puts us one Steven Threet flat tire from being forced to see Nick "Can't Go Balls Deep" Sheridan. Feagin brings a mobile dimension to our spread, that is what we might need now considering we can't even block a buddy on our friend list. Status-Concerned

Taylor Hill-transfer. Freshman. Didn't catch your name. Status-yawn

---

Now for the Johnny Sears Award of Futility

Candidates:
Nick Sheridan: Innaccurate over 10 yds, amassed Troy Smith BCS Numbers, managed to strip McGuffie. End of first half WTF INT that was the difference.

Offensive Line: Blocking, Blocking, Blocking

Coaches: Didn't put the people on the field that wanted to win. Didn't call the plays that help achieve win. Unimaginative.
Marell Evans: I still dont know who this guy is, all I know about him is he is hot garbage.

Home Field Advantage: Sounded a little louder, less than inspiring results.

**Winner**
Nick Sheridan

No one hurt us more than his ineffectivity. His greatest pass of the game was this gem.

Congrats Nick on your first big win!

Rating: