H-A-V-E-N-O-C-L-U-E Whats Going On In My Program

You can't do like me, I'm by myself
I do it so good, I don't need nobody else

Joe Pa is constantly forgetting he is the head coach of Penn State Football about as often as my grandma forgets how to spell my name(everytime she tries). Penn St is firm in their stance that they wont force Paterno to retire and would rather see him leave on his own terms ala our Beloved Uncle Lloyd but when is enough enough? The early 2000s era when Penn State averaged as many wins as touchdowns per game wasn't enough to warrant shopping for a new direction. When Paterno speaks, Penn St. listens, and he says "Iono." Paterno has become an institution in College Football sorta like Shark Week on DSC, and has outlasted americana like Bob Barker, Soul Train, Wide World of Sports, Capt. Kangaroo and Romper Room. In Paterno's eyes, the program is in "good shape". While yes the wins have been picking up lately(cant remmeber the last time they beat Michigan), but something else is picking up.....his phone as he calls county jail beacuse another player as been locked up. ESPN OTL reported Penn state is currently on the rise to bring home the 2008 Fulmer Cup!

2002-2008 Penn State Stats

1. 163 Counts
2. 46 players
3. 27 conviction
4. 1 partridge in a pear tree

Joe Paterno claims "he has no idea" or "i didnt know about this" and "that probing was done and a possible witch hunt." In his defense to rectify the dismal state of the program Pa was forced to recruit a few kids with "character issues". Issues that culminated in a group beat down, eerily similar to the St. Patricks Day Massacre @ UM. PSU in 2007 racked up 17 players for 52 crimes and 9 guilty pleas. Has Joe Pa lost touch with the program?

More: As of yesterday Chris Baker and Phil Taylor kicked off team

We Dont Want Any

View the offense from the SIDELINE
-Aaron Rodgers

When the announcement came in Mid-April that Brett Favre would grace the cover of the 20th Anniversary edition of Madden(2009), curse lovers everywhere sulked. To me the curse is only a way to explain MEDIOCRITY...see Sports Illustrated Curse. However, now im beginning to believe in this curse shenanigans.


2009 Madden Curse Statistics(so far)

1. Favre a Hall of Fame QB now relegated to backup to the likes of Aaron Rodgers
2. Favre told by Packers not to even compete for his job
3. Packers offer Favre $20 mil to stay retired(hmmmmmm easy choice)
   

Generally speaking with this curse the cover athlete suffers from a debilitating case of average, however, in true Favre fashion of finding the best option he climbs aboard the FAILBOAT and sets sail for the Sahara. Never has a cover athlete accrue 0 stats during their reign on the cover.

Thank you Favre, the Madden Curse is safe for another year

New Beginnings

Its' July 31st......More great news to come.